Self Realization
You don’t go through that kind of hell for 33 years and not question your own thought process and stability; well at least I questioned everything at this point in my life. I sought professional help for myself and my kids, instantly, to me this was a 911. I thought for sure I was f”d up in the head, everything around me in total chaos, my body failing me, feeling things I had never felt before, just utterly the lost lamb I had always been but with no one influencing or dominating me now. Wow, Freedom??
To my surprise my head was not f’d up, I was actually pretty strong and she, my therapist, was amazed with me ( I did not feel this way at the time), however I did continue to see her for years constantly having her reassure me that the decisions I was making were correct and the feelings that I was feeling were ok.. I had no self esteem and had to build my confidence from the ground up, she really helped with that and so did quite a few people that were now in my life. Once again that kind smile or the nice little compliment helps so much more than people realize. I can not even begin to emphasis on how important it is to just be kind to everyone, you just never know what kind of hell they may be going through & your kindness could be their turn around.
You have to heal everything!
Let’s define a few things here:
vic·tim
noun
1. a person who suffers from a destructive or injurious action or agency: a victim of an automobile accident.
2. a person who is deceived or cheated, as by his or her own emotions or ignorance, by the dishonesty of others, or by some impersonal agency: a victim of misplaced confidence; the victim of a swindler; a victim of an optical illusion.
3. a person or animal sacrificed or regarded as sacrificed: war victims.
4. a living creature sacrificed in religious rites.
What is victim mentality?
A victim mentality is one where you blame everyone else for what happens in your world. It is the excuse to never change anything. (Another definition not as commonly used is one that says a person thinks the future only holds bad things for them.)
This healing process is different for everyone, but the basics remain the same.
We have all fit into these categories in some form or another. I was no exception, realizing that if I truly wanted to be free I had to fight hard for it on every level. I am fortunate enough to have a mind and I realized I needed to work on it first. Was it easy, HELL NO but I am a true believer that nothing worthwhile comes easily and anything I fight for is worthwhile. You have to heal everything! It is a never ending constant growing, learning and healing process, there is no okay everything is fine now I can go on with life, yay, this is totally unrealistic. There is always another level to advance to, life is not on just one level, if you are not advancing levels you are not truly growing.
Let the Healing Begin
This healing process is different for everyone, but the basics remain the same. It all begins with NOT seeing yourself as a victim and not allowing the victim mentally into your life! Yes, easier said than done, a lot of mental and emotional control, for those of you that are not spiritual, your missing a level, it plays the biggest role in healing at least for me.
I had decided I was never going to feel a mans violent hand on me again, I choose to believe that life is special and a gift and I am alive because God wanted me to live, hence the reason why nothing and no one could kill me, perhaps I am here to help you the person reading this, just never know.
Would I change things if I could?
HELL NO WAY! I would not go back in time and change ANYTHING at any point in my life. All these events is what has defined me and made me who I am.
It is what it is
I am that I am
I am just me
It is the presence of God within that I know that I am
In reviewing my life it should not be too hard to pick up on how each event prepared me for the next and in reality when things seemed as though they couldn’t get any worse I became my strongest, I believe Christ carried me through those times as even now I have no explanation as to how I survived it all.
I can tell you that I don’t hate and fear men anymore; In fact I admire most of you and love the potential you can be, note: Sometimes bothered by the lack of intellectually, emotionally and spiritually deep conversation.
I don’t hate people, I love people, they are all unique and such fragile emotional beings to be admired for all the strength and love they are capable of having, yes there are some bad ones and shame on you, I have seen where you are going. Every life has VALUE and you have no right to it!
This song is perfect for this post:
The highest level for me to this day is the true forgiveness I have for all that has been done to me and my kids, I can say with all my heart and soul that I truly forgive each and everyone one of you and pray for your souls and at the same time I thank you for defining me into the uniquely defined character that I have become, capable of true unconditional love on levels that most don’t even know exist. I now have an energy source and light inside of me that is indescribable. I can truly soar with the eagle.
A must watch:
It is amazing how God has given us the ability to love and continue to love again and to love on sooo many different levels.. He is an AMAZING God!
Next stop: physical healing….
See you in part 12
Mare Barnett
